Quit copying me, Joel Plaskett

Posted by Colin on Wednesday March 25, 2009 5 Comments

Dear Mr. Plaskett,

You’ve got some nerve. Did you think you could just steal ideas from your fellow countrymen and get away with it? I mean, really.

What’s this all about? I think you know. And in case you don’t know—although we both know you do—allow me to point you in the direction of your new album Three. On this triple album of your typically masterful pop you are seemingly obsessed with the number 3. Everything on the record is built around this mystically magical integer. Songs like “Wait, wait, wait”, “Run, run, run” and “Gone, gone, gone” have the obvious connection in their song titles alone.

Now let me point you in the direction of my 2007 album Animals & Architects. Check out the track listing. Notice anything? I know you do—even though nobody else ever has. That’s right: Every title has exactly three syllables. Did you also happen to notice the words in the album title, “Animals” and “Architects”? Yeah, you did. That’s right: Three syllables each. And the moniker Maybe Smith? Count the syllables, bub (I know you already did). Is all of this just a coincidence? Yes. But that’s irrelevant.

I don’t think I have to paint you a picture here, Joel. But I will. You ripped off an album you’ve never even heard of. Sure, I’ve knowingly ripped off your endlessly memorable melodies numerous times before, but this is different—you stole a novel concept that I accidentally conceived. And that’s wrong. You probably owe me some SOCAN royalties or something.

Come on, Joel, admit it: You wish you were me. You wish you could sell over half-a-dozen records—mostly to family members—just like me. And we both know you like Saskatchewan. Well I live in Saskatchewan, Joel. Born and raised. It’s -20 degrees here today and it’s the end of March. You’re so jealous it’s incredible. I bet your next album will have pointlessly long song titles just like my new album.

In closing, please send me a signed copy of Three. And one for my sister, too.

Angrily,
Colin (xoxo)

P.S. Thrush Hermit rules!!!